The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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