The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
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Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
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I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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