I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
