Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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