took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
