so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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