I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
