Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
