I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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