Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
