well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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