We're facebook friends in real life
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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