How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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