By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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