i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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