i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
