what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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