I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
