***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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