You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
