the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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