from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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