you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
