I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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