So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
