So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
