I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
