she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
