girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
