I think my vagina is haunted
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
