i already hear my dad disowning me
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
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