Quick, to the slutcave!
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
