Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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