Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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