Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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