he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
