it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
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I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
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I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I currently don't understand fingers.
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