How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
