i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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