I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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