we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
