Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
