I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
