Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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