i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
