Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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