Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
