It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
