I CAN MOONWALK!
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
