Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
