I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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