dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
