Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
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I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
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