Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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