I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
