dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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