About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
