she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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