i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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