guys are not supposed to queef...right?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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