There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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