Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
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