Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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