I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
