I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Pooping to opera.
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