Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
