I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Randomize
