we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I seem to have left my pride at pride
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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