If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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