i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
so explain again why im purple
no
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
