There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
