Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
