Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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