Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
