If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
someone owes me an orgasm
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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